A Little on Trust

As I've gone through life, trust is one of those things that I know is important, but I had not thought about how important it was. Trust is the foundation for our personal relationships, business relationships and for almost every life decision. If you do not feel you can trust a person, a situation, a product or company, you will either not engage, or not allow yourself to be with that person, in that situation or use that product. Knowing that trust is important, it leads to the fact that you need others to trust you in order to attract and keep things that you desire in your life. I have always wanted to be someone who is trusted, but I never studied how to gain trust. One of the most important things to do to gain trust is to listen to others. When I really listen to others, they are likely to feel heard and understood. Because trust is an important part of the human experience, people know when they are being listened to. If I am obviously in a hurry, looking at my watch or phone, or cutting someone off, they know I am not really listening, and to a degree, not to be trusted. When someone feels that I am really listening, that helps that person to feel heard. To feel heard is one of the most important things in life. Feeling heard helps people to feel understood. It also defuses tension. MIT did a study between Palestinians and Israelis. They found that when the Palestinians' stories were shared with Israelis, it boosted the Palestinians' attitudes towards the Israelis. Being heard is powerful, and not feeling heard takes an emotional toll. Imagine a week when everyone you talk to doesn't listen and doesn't understand. It's miserable. And being or working with someone who repeatedly doesn't listen and doesn't understand wears away the foundation of the relationship. Trust. Another way to gain trust is to make your actions match what you say you will do. There is nothing that will break trust faster than someone who says one thing, but behaves in a different way. The words cannot be trusted to be turned into actions. To be able to be the person who does what he or she says, I need to know myself. What I mean is that in a situation, I should really think about what I'm saying I'm going to do, because I'm making a promise to that person. If I promise to finish a report or take out the trash before I go to bed, and I do not, that will erode trust. If I tell someone that my ego or feelings will not be hurt if they do something, and then later, it turns out that I was hurt, it actually erodes trust. If I take the time to evaluate what I will likely do, I'm better prepared to promise what I will actually deliver. I should also talk about how to show others that you trust them. The most important way to do this it to respect them. If you feel you do not respect someone, how could you possibly trust them? You may be thinking about someone who you trust but you do not think that you respect them. What is probably happening is that you respect them in some area, but not in another. Maybe you trust your mechanic to fix your car for a fair price, but you do not respect the way she treats her family, so you are not interested in spending more time with her. You can respect the mechanic for all the times she has fixed your car, and for that time she didn't even charge you for something that you knew another mechanic would overcharge you. I hope that you can see that trust is a critical foundation for the relationships all around you. Gaining and showing trust to others is an important part of life and necessary for those who want to have a successful personal and work life. Sources and other reading: https://lead2goals.com/developing-the-circle-of-trust/ https://www.vitalsmarts.com/resource/crucial-conversations-book/ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201506/5-ways-build-trust-and-honesty-in-your-relationship http://news.mit.edu/2012/conflict-resolution-0315